Parenting notes from the party last week

Thanks to all who came to the parenting party/potluck from last week. It was amazing and I know I'm already seeing good results from the great advice you ladies voiced.

*** A nice wooden spoon, a pink/green sippy cup with handles and some spiderman sunglasses were left at my house. Are they yours?***** melissa dot lee dot spencer at gmail dot com

 To re-cap on the highlights, I'm putting a little bullet list below of some suggested ideas that were discussed (sorry this is a novel!);
1. In addition to "self maintenance chores" (making your bed, brushing your teeth, keeping your room clean, taking your dishes to the sink), assign each child one additional chore that helps out the entire family (dusting, mopping, vacuuming, etc.) See the very bottom of this email for my chore rotation list.

 2. Little ones can help sort laundry, dust, unload the dishwasher, make their beds, etc. Do it with them and train them until they're good at it themselves.

3. Having "training" sessions where you're teaching your kids a new chore. You'll have to revisit these steps every so often. Perfection comes with practice and time. Praise their work ethic more than their skills at first.

4. For allowances, suggest that the kids set a goal for what they're wanting to save and then help them remember this goal at trips to the store. Some families give $1 per year of age/month (ex. a 9 year old earns $9/month) starting around age 4 or 5... Or you could try $0.50 per year of age per week (a 9 year old would earn $18 a month). You'll have to play with the numbers to see what works with your kids. Some families do more and require that birthday gifts for friends come out of their own money ($10 minimum gift with a $20 reserve in their savings as a minimum.) Some families reward kids for saving by an "interest" payment quarterly, some "loan" money to their kids at ridiculous interest rates to teach the pitfalls of credit. You can require that a set amount be put towards long term savings, short term spending and tithing to teach money management.

 5. Offer "money chores" to supplement the allowance. Again, each family's numbers will be different. The principle is that you want to teach your kids to work and if they have ample amounts of money then they'll be less inclined to want to work hard to save up for things. Here's a example of some "money chores" I make available at my house (along with their very modest rates...) Fold & put away laundry: $4, Scrub the barstools down: $1/chair, weeding: $1/set area (based on skill level), Scrub down the refrigerator (outside and in): $8, Organize drawers: varies based on the size of the drawer and it's disaster status. The sky is really the limit in what I'll offer to my kids for money chores. If they come to me saying they want some more money I'll generally give them a list of 4 or 5 things on my own to-do list at the moment.

6. Creative parenting; see Sacha B's spot on Pintrest for ideas- for kids who stick their tongues out at others, they must sit in the corner and keep their tongue stuck out for X minutes, for arms that hit, that arm must go in time out (belt or tape it to their body for X minutes)

 7. Self confidence comes from being able to do things for yourself (not necessarily from sports, instruments or school work)

 8. Emphasize the words "I'm so proud of how hard you worked" rather than "You're so smart or talented". A study found that telling your kids you were proud of them inspired greater success than just telling them you thought they were good.

 9. Another good motivating phrase is "I love seeing you....(read), (dance), (Play the piano), (work hard), (Keep your room clean.)

10. Find your child's motivation (or something they're passionate about) and use that as their "currency" to motivate them in chores and other areas. 11. Christine G. suggested a great idea that has been working wonders at my own house this week- restrict breakfast until their room is tidy and they're dressed. Genius!

12. Have a weekly meeting on Sunday with each child (mom or dad) and have it be an opportunity for candid discussion. Ask specific questions about areas of morality with your kids too.

13. Have a monthly "date" for each child with either Mom or Dad- builds love, trust and good memories. They do not have to be expensive.

14. Have a birds/bees talk with your child by the time they're 8 years old. Continue to keep it an open channel of communication by discussing it frequently- revisit the idea as your kids grow each year.

 I'm copying below my kid's chore chart rotation that a few of you asked for. Don't judge- it's not perfect and areas of our house do get missed every so often... If you want to do something similar I suggest you make a list of the chores that you want done at your house each week and then divvy them out based on skill level. Amy H's idea was cool too- write all these chores down on their own popsicle stick and then pull out several at a time and set them on the table. Then everyone can pick one, do the chore, then come back and grab another one. This is awesome because it encourages quick working so you're not left with the undesirable chores....

 January, April, July, October
 Lily
M- clean kids bathtub with ajax
T- kids bathroom toilet, sink, mirror
W- sweep kitchen
Th- sanitize door knobs & light switches
F- dust, wipe moldings in dining room, piano room & TV room
S- vacuum upstairs & stairs

Corinne
M- clean back door glass, dust
T- clean downstairs bathroom toilet, sink & mirror
W- sweep under the kitchen table
Th- wipe moldings in all bedrooms
F- clean parent’s shower with ajax
S- wipe moldings in upstairs & downstairs halls

Henry
M- clean parent’s bathroom toilet, sink & mirror
T- sweep under the Island, wipe moldings in 3 bathrooms
W- dust, clean big bathtub OR downstairs shower as needed with ajax
Th- take out trashes & recycling
F- bring in trash & recycling bin, clean back door glass
S- clean downstairs toilet, sink & mirror

February, May, August, November
Lily
M- clean back door glass
T- sweep front step, clean front door glass
W- Sweep ALL tile in house
Th- wipe moldings down in 3 rooms or halls, different from the week before
F- clean downstairs bathroom toilet, sink & mirror
S- vacuum upstairs & downstairs

 Corinne
M- clean downstairs bathroom toilet, sink & mirror
T- Dust
W- mop ALL tile in house
Th- take out trashes & recycling
F- bring in trash & recycling bin, clean parent’s toilet, sink & mirror
S- sweep front doorstep of leaves, clean front door glass

Henry
M- wipe moldings in all bedrooms
T- clean kids’ bathroom toilet, sink & mirror
W- sanitize door knobs & light switches
Th-clean backdoor glass
F- Dust
S- sweep under the island 

March, June, September & December
Lily
M- clean parents toilet & sink
T- sweep under table, mop kitchen & dining rooms
W- dust, clean parents mirror
Th- collect all trashes & recycling, take out to bin
F- Bring in big trash can & recycling bin
S- Vacuum downstairs, sweep under table

Corinne
M- clean kids toilet &sink
T- sweep kitchen & bathrooms, mop bathrooms entryway & laundryroom
W- clean kids mirror, sanitize doorknobs & lightswitches
Th- clean back door glass
F- clean kids sink
S- dust, vacuum stairs, sweep kitchen

Henry
M- sweep front doorstep, clean back door glass
T- Sweep laundry room & entryway
W- Clean downstairs toilet, sink & mirror
Th- sweep under the island
F- clean front door glass
S- clean downstairs toilet & sink